This here is Brother Hua, he was born in Hong Kong and is currently residing in California with a successful career in finance. He and his beautiful wife have built a warm and loving family with three kids, now eight, six, and three years old respectively.
Fifteen years ago, Hua finally came out of his struggle with homosexuality, and soon after he met his now-wife. Remembering past pains and triumphs, Hua choked up several times as he shared his life’s journey with a reporter from The Gospel Herald (GH).
The interview was originally conducted in Chinese, it is translated and recorded here below (edited for brevity and clarity):
GH: When did you start noticing you were different from other boys?
Hua: Actually, when I was very young, in sixth grade, I already had my first encounter. I had sexual contact with a guy who was older than me. At that time, what I thought in my heart was: “Oh so this is ok.” And it continued to develop there. From when I was 13 and studying in Canada until I returned to Hong Kong for schooling, I continued to have (sexual) contact with classmates of the same sex.
GH: There are many analyses on why people would develop same-sex attractions and they’ve listed many reasons, including experiencing abuse growing up, lack of parental presence, or biological reasons. What factors do you think contributed to your tendency towards same-sex attraction?
Hua: I think I’ve been influenced by all of them, but maybe the biggest influence was that my family worshipped idols growing up. Like for example, my dad, he always worshipped Guanyin. I did some research (after coming to faith) and realized that you could trace Guanyin back to Astaroth-Ashtoreth in the Bible. This is a genderfluid evil spirit that can confuse the sexes.
My dad was also very busy with work when I was young. I remember one time my dad told me he would be back soon before he headed out for a business trip, but actually wouldn’t be back until six months later. I remember it very well, how much I missed him and how empty my heart felt then. Couple that with how I was sexually assaulted in sixth grade… Actually, I had no idea back then, I didn’t know that that was a sexual assault. I thought that it was okay. Because of the sense of morality, I felt that we can’t get close to girls, but it seemed to be okay to do it with other guys.
GH: When did you start feeling that this wasn’t right?
Hua: When I was fifteen I went back to Hong Kong for school, and I had a very good group of friends at the Christian school I was attending. One of my friends had terminal blood cancer, I was very shocked when I found out since we were so young at the time. He was a Christian, and his dying wish was that our friend group would go and attend a Christian Camp. The second year after he passed away, our entire friend group went and joined the camp. I believed in Jesus there and started to receive this God as my God.
I knew that it (homosexuality) is wrong, there was the voice of the Holy Spirit in me, but I felt so ashamed so I never told anyone about it.
When I was 18, I came to the US to study. I attended church regularly. But coincidentally, the day I met my boyfriend was also the day I was supposed to be appointed as a cell group leader in the church.
That day, I was supposed to go to church to attend the 6 PM ordination ceremony. But instead, I went to my boyfriend’s house. So I didn’t make it to church, and I didn’t become cell leader. Also from that point on, I gradually started going to church less.
I was still close with my dad at that time, but once in a phone call I told him my condition, and my dad had a really hard time accepting it, so our relationship broke down. He also cut off all financial support for me.
Then one day, my classmates were sharing after class, and I also spoke about my situation, including my sexuality and my relationship with my dad breaking down. But there was one classmate who was very special, he made it a point to call me again afterward and invite me out for coffee
When we met up, this classmate really spoke to me about what the Bible’s attitude towards homosexuality is. He printed basically every single verse in the Bible that speaks about homosexuality to share with me.
What really shocked me was that he said, this is not pleasing to God, but we love you. I could not run away anymore. Before this, I had felt moral shame and guilt in my heart, but this time, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I said to God in my heart: “I’m so sorry, I can’t do this. I know this is not pleasing to you, but I don’t have a way out of this.”
To be continued...
